i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
