I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i love accidental penises.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
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