ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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