I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
