I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
