My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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