We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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