he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
