well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
