I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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