is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
