If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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