My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
