how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
