How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
