Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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