I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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