i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
