Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
