I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
