we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
