he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
