I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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