took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
