My sheets look like a crime scene.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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