she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize