I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
