your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
