it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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