dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
