yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
