Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
