i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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