should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to align my fucking chakras
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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