Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
