ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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