My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
