Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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