Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
