well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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