Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
