i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
