WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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