i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
