haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
are you so shy because you have an std?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
