the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
