Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
