p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
