just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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