So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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