chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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