You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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