I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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