so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
