She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
