even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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