Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
