i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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