Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
