it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
