I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
