Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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