Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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