I didn't shave. On purpose
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
