Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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