oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
