he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize