Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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