we're chasing vodka with high fives
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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