I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Come see our sink grown plant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
