I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
