I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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