I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
