Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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