I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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