Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
