You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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