Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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