If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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