shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
