Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
