u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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