omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
