dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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