Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Betty ford says i'm here all night

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(270): View more from Kentucky

If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.

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(516): View more from New York

It was kind of weird

(857): View more from Massachusetts

What did your mom walk in?

(516): View more from New York

She flung her tampon across the room.

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(905): View more from Toronto

just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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(410): View more from Maryland

is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?

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(417): View more from Missouri

I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

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(540): View more from Virginia

I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.

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(310): View more from California

I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob

(310): View more from California

That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.

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