Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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