When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
