so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is the high leading the old right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
