It's Friday. Sex?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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