He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize