I'm going to jail i love you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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