also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
