They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
a search helicopter?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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