Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
