It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
